Being from an artistic background, it’s always been a pet peeve of mine: the fake boob. It doesn’t look right and it certainly doesn’t feel right. Now, I have no moral reason to oppose breast augmentation. And in a few very rare cases, it seems downright appropriate. But by and large they’re unpleasing and unnecessary.

The sad thing is, it seems most men can’t tell the difference. It’s an embarrassment to my gender, this unrealized admiration for the real breast. Using my hours of nude art classes, I’m gonna lay down some advice on how to tell the real from the fake.

1. Baby, it’s about the slope.

A real breast has a natural, sloping curve to it. This curve can best be seen from the side. But it’s also pretty noticeable from the front. The fake one has a definite circle to it. Mother nature made very few perfect circles, the female breast is no exception.

2. The pull of the earth.

Ah gravity, that old emeny of breast every where. Sure, as life progress gravity can have a lowering effect on the real breast. But long before that happens, gravity also can help you spot a fake boob. A breast filled with liquid substance behaves a lot different than a real one. Fake breast have a tendency to look the same up right and horizontal. In other words they always stand at attention defying the simple laws of gravity. Not so the beautiful real ones, they form various delicious shapes depending on the angle, giving a depth of viewing that you could never get tired of.

3. The breast has to be phat!

 Modern science has come a long way towards creating perfect facsimiles of certain things, a fat free burger and a real breast aren’t on the list. Like the burger, to be good the female breast has got to have it’s quota of fat. How can you use this information to weed out the fake jobs? This requires touch, please make sure you have permission first. A fake boob feels hard and somewhat cold to the touch. It doesn’t move around much and it you aren’t careful can go a long way to poking an eye out. The real breast on the other hand moves with a touch, flattens against your hand and otherwise behaves as human flesh should.

Obviously, telling a real breast from a fake one isn’t complicated. So, why do so many men seem not to be able to tell the difference?The more cynical would say, it’s plan laziness. Or maybe, they don’t care as long as they’re big. I think it’s because they don’t know any better. Hollywood, television and porn have given them all the wrong idea until we’re on the verge of the fake becoming the real.

Let’s all work to put a few hundred plastic surgeons 9at least until they get art degrees) out of business by celebrating the unadulterated, wondrous and most importantly of all real female tit.

We’ve finally gotten the main web site operational and are open for business. I have a lot of ideas about some subjects that our visitors might be interested in.The first coming is “How to tell a real breast from a fake one.” Yeah, we’re going old school for all you kiddies raised on the plastic surgery breast implants that Hollywood and our other favorite industry have made famous. And it’ll even have some cool illustrations to… ah… illustrate the… ah… point.Monday is the day we show that nature is the only way to go.-Dean